Join the dots

We had a nice bike ride today from Morden Hall Park back to Croydon following the Wandle Trail.

You can get most of the way without going on the roads which is nice and some parts of the river and just spectacular. It is still a powerful river at points which has supported a lot of industry and many mills in its day. It felt good to be on the land as it is, as opposed to what we have put on it.

We passed through a number of points that held memories for me including Wilderness Island near Mill Lane, Beddington Park where we met Tom and Stacy. The park itself borders my old school. That river we were cycling on was the very same river I fell into on a regular basis after the hurricane in 1987. We used to walk from one side of the river to the other across fallen logs with varying degrees of success. How well I remember the smell of pond water emanating from my socks (if that is not too pleasant a concept to reflect upon).

Following the river was interesting in that I knew various points along its length quite well, but did not previously know the whole picture. It was fascinating to cycle through ancient looking riverside woods to pop up next to a road a have got the bus down a thousand times. Gradually an overall sense of its course, above and beyond its sections I have known formed in my imagination.

One way or another that river has wound itself through many times and seasons of my life and riding along it today reminded me of a lot of that. The more I think about it, the more it blows me away. Everything we need for life is in the river and its beautiful: the river is a journey; the river is a story; the river is wealth; the river is the economy; the river is the painting; the river, it doesn't stop.

"[Jesus] ...the water that I shall give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." (John 4:13-14 RSV)

Mum and Dad's Fortieth Wedding Anniversary

'Forty Years of Bliss'

It is an interesting irony that everyone seemed to able to share: that the day to day realities of a marriage are sometimes less than entirely blissful.

My mum and dad's friends had these T-shirts made up for their fortieth wedding anniversary. It was a joke that nobody failed to get. I don't think my generation is going to be able to laugh in the same way. To laugh at that means you are getting through the problems. To laugh means you do not think you will be beaten by the problems. To laugh means it has been worth it whatever the cost.

My people: I think a lot of them are going to give up. I don't think my generation is going into this thing with the same attitude. I don't want to be too hard on us; we have good qualities. We can be egalitarian, globally responsible, humane and considerate. But getting through forty years of marriage is not a calling as many of us are going to sign up for.

It was a lovely day with a real collection of family, family friends and absent friends. Adjacent to the day itself were memories shared of other, similar parties held in the garden at my parents' house. Like their twenty-fifth anniversary where some friends and I played some very rough rock covers in the back garden; the singers voice coming through a bass amp. As bad as it may have been as a performance it was much recalled today along with various synonyms for 'drunk' to describe the mental state of the musicians.

They often quote that African saying on World Service, 'it takes a village to raise a child', especially in debates about correcting the misdemeanors of wayward British youth. What struck me today was that, perhaps, it takes a lot of friends to make a marriage. There were about thirty-five people there and most of them I have known all my life. A great big crowd of moral support and affirmation; a crowd stood together like so many antarctic penguins keeping each other warm.

So, it can be hard work like a marriage, just doing the next right thing one day at a time and trusting God for the results. It helps me to remember the God's son knows a thing or two about suffering and endurance:
Hebrews 12:2

We must focus on Jesus, the source and goal of our faith. He saw the joy ahead of him, so he endured death on the cross and ignored the disgrace it brought him. Then he received the highest position in Heaven, the one next to the throne of God.

For just a moment today, when the sun came out and we made our toasts to mum and dad, and we all shared a sense of love, admiration and respect knowing that it couldn't have been easy, no one was thinking about the hard times really even though we laughed at the T-shirt, I thought well maybe Heaven is a bit like this. Because when it's over, it's over. You don't think about having had to wait for the kettle to boil when you are drinking your cup of tea. The house of cards falls neatly back into the pack. Wounds heal. Friends meet. You recognise the face of someone you deeply love and have always known. You put the bag down. Ronnie Barker takes off his awful shoes and everything's all right forever.

Grawen Camping Trip 2008

Why does it always rain on me?

Getting back out there into the wilds of British weather one more time. Camping always seems to be such a mix of horror and joy; the horror of the physical adjustment to the real elements and relative discomfort compared urban apartment lifestyle.

It was lovely go away with a bunch of guys who knew each other pretty well on the whole. We had a little community there for a few days which functioned pretty well. Trying to organise nine people to leave at the same time to go on a walk is a bit of challenge; usually the only person I have to organise is myself. I liked the practice I had in putting common welfare before my own. Interestingly, this community exists anyway in the fellowship of sobriety operating remotely by means of technology; if it weren'tr operating in the background it would not be able to spring to life fully-functioning within a few hours of all the participants arriving.

Then coming back to the city is a bit of a shock for a number of reasons. Among them are going back to to a state of 'apartment' as opposed to sharing space as well as feeling the roots connecting me to the natural world retracting up into me like a snails antlers.

When the sun shines, camping is the inevitable and logical holiday choice and always will be. After three days of rain, it is another character building test putting the relative physical comfort into perspective. I am all for character building and just glad that holidaying in the UK offers such persistent opportunities for such growth

It was nice to see friends coming out of themselves too. Personalties and characters seemed softer and truer somehow framed against a backdrop of green and grey. I feel hope strengthened espeically by the prospect of getting back out there again ASAP.

It is a beautiful world in spite of the pain.

Susan might have laughed

I got my usual weekly delivery from TESCO today. I was pleasantly surprised to find that they had not charged me for a batch of grapefruit, listing them as out of stock, although they had in fact delivered them. On second thoughts, I tried to give them back to the driver but he wasn't having any of it. TESCO was, he assured me a multi-million pound company which would not miss a few grapefruit.

I recalled that the last time I had an over-delivery of grapefruit, about 25 fruits, I got through half of them before I was conscience stricken into a sour case of inaction; the remaining fruit condemned to a no-mans land area under sink until they went off.

I know myself too well these days and I try not to do things that would give my conscience cause to have a go at me. So I hit upon a strategy of emailing the company to let them know about the error in the delivery, telling them that the fruit had in fact arrived: ten grapefruit, five red and five yellow, only one of which appeared on the bill. I continued that I was planning to eat the fruit but that I was happy to pay for them and encouraged them to charge me.

TESCO's got back to me pretty promptly:

TES4992667X
Re: Extra grapefruit delivery

Thank you for your email. I'm very sorry that we have delivered you items
that were not part of your order. I can advise that I am happy to let you
keep these items without charging you for them. Once again, please accept
my apologies for the inconvenience caused. Thank you for letting us know
about this.

Kind Regards etc.

Susan was on a similar food plan to me. We take our food around in Tupperware boxes not being able to guarantee that the destination will be able to serve what we require to stay healthy.

There were lots of foods she needed to steer clear of but I am pretty sure she was OK with grapefruit. We lost her this week and I just thought, if she knew about the grapefruit, she would have laughed: double-portions of good healthy food arriving free of charge courtesy of a multi-national. Keep it coming.

Honest like a rock

The winds of grief slow
To a broken whisper
It tastes like the truth
Honest like a rock
And thoroughly true
God’s love pursues us all

This rock cannot be broken
Flint on the falsehood
Let’s get to the truth
A dark curtain blazing with light
Love bears all
The responsibility of grief

With love from Andrew (Tupperware Crew Member)

Manchester United Vs Arsenal 2-1 13th April 2008

Well, I am feeling gutted and don't suppose that's too surprising really. The team I support, Arsenal has just played football at another level have shown that their footballing intelligence is operating a higher level than any other team in the country.

We are, though, about finish the season again without winning anything and whilst that does matter, it is not true that nobody remembers you unless you win. The dutch team of the seventies will always be remembered for playing total football although they lost 2-1 to Germany in the UEFA European Football Championship of 1978.

That's a bit of a consolation but our weaknesses too are evident: the lack two or three experienced players; the need for a galvanising captain; Wenger's unwillingness to buy established, mature names in the football world.

Whatever his shortcomings, however, the fact of his ability and craft as a manager is beyond doubt. How sad, then, to hear the treatment given to him by some Manchester United fans in the stands. Football songs can be intelligent, funny, topical and incisive. They can also be slanderous, negative, nasty and mean. Their songs about Wenger are unrepeatable and horrific. Another favourite was a song about Eduardo's injury suggesting that he will walk like Heather Mills as a result of his injury.

I guess I am asking myself: well, what did you expect? And the answer, I suppose, is that I don't see why fans cannot afford a degree of respect for one another and that the domain of humour should not include abusive personal slander and laughing at the tragic misfortune of others.

The thing about the Eduardo injury is that it really hurt Arsenal fans, myself included. It wasn't just the seriousness of the injury in terms of his career, how gruesome it appeared and obvious pain and discomfort it must have caused him though. Seeing the fragility of a talent just coming to terms with the premiership cut down by misfortune, our hopes for this year seemed to die that day. Maybe our hopes were too fragile.

It is enough to make you have a few days off football and just focus on something less emotive, like geo-politics. Only joking. I am going to lay down my burdens, down by the riverside.



I ain't gonna study war no more....

Elvis revisited

Like millions of others each year, I visited Graceland and whilst not exactly going in as an Elvis fan I certainly left as one. It's not that I actually listen to a lot of the music but that if anyone has to be King of rock'n'roll then it is him. Seeing the passion and belief of elvis reflected throughout the accounts of his close friends and family was quite an eye-opener - his daughter imploring him before the concert to include 'How Great Thou Art' in the set list - Lisa again describing that you could feel his energy precede him as he commenced down the central stiarcase at Graceland, his hair and outfits prepared to perfection in anticaption of greeting his guests.

As much as some of the accounts of Elvis suggested a character a little larger than life, my conviction was that he was a believer; certainly a believer in his ability, art, voice, and music; surely a believer in his family; with a deep personal belief in God and commitment to gospel music.

I don't know much about Elvis' personal experience of his faith but I know what he sounds like when he sings the gospel and, guess what? He sounds like he believes it. According to all the abounts of his life and work in Memphis and Nashvile he simply didn't do things that he didn't believe in. I may not like everything he recorded or even half of it, but he scrutinized each and every new song he was offered before decidinng to recording.

That he was troubled and addicted to prescription drugs doesn't lead me to question his belief in God. I can hear him reaching up in the high notes and you know he wasn't singing about himself. If he anything, the stars who cut their teeth on gospel music before getting hooked up with their own stardom may even make the best job of singing it: I see Elvis searching himself in his performance for the simple knowledge of God beyond a time and place where the world and the flesh have any say of his thoughts and behavior. King of rock n roll is one thing- king of the universe that's something else.

Don't take my word for it- youtube me Elvis right now!!!

Sisters and my brothers, stay on the boat

What is going to happen next in my life? How quickly will my hair fall out? Are the people who are my friends today going to move to Switzerland never to be seen again? Will anyone in London say 'yes' to a social engagement being diarised (I know you love that word) less than two weeks in advance?

These are some of the questions my mind wanders to in idle moment, leading off with the most important about the hair. I know there are other concerns but not being a homeowner I am not that bothered by the drop in house prices. I don't fancy a global economic recession much though.

It is exciting to think that even my mistakes can be turned into something worthwhile in the hands of an infinitely wise and compassionate Creator. I learned this making a few real mingers and that He has been able to work out pretty well. It's not that I am planning any more exactly but today I feel a confidence that once the mess is in his hands, it can work out all right.

If I break my leg today, he might make me into a shoes salesmen tomorrow. If I lose my hat in the wind today, something else might blow into my life tomorrow. My soul, yes, pours out of those holes (M Kozelek - Red House Painters) but something good is gonna grow out of them tomorrow.

The people urging me to stay on the boat (Sensational Nightingales - Stay On The Boat CD) are making a powerful biblical story into a good gospel song but is that all? No, they are singing out of their experience that if you hang in there it will work itself out. Believing that in the middle of the chaos is a matter of faith but not blind faith. You wouldn't sing the song if it hadn't proved true for you and wouldn't try to communicate it if it wasn't something you thought others could rely on.

Is it so hard to believe that things will be OK in the end if I trust in God? After all, I didn't create myself, all I created was the mess. If I can get out of the way long enough the Choreogrpaher can get moving and starting putting it all back together. This believe is, in a sense, a call to live since both fear of making a mistake and a superstitious view of God's will are both counteracted by the sentiment of the principle. As a man said: Romans 8.28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.